Hello again my dear dear blog,
Havent write anything in ages. How hectic my life was. And still is. Crying wont help, torturing myself wont help either. I'm in the deepest pain ever. And I know no one will ever get this feeling ever.
A sister,
What does it feels like to have a close sister,
The one can cheer you up,
Makes you forget about the pain,
The one you will turn to when you're in pain,
The one will definitely be there for you,
A sister,
By blood, by heart.
Younger or older,
Sisters are sisters.
Dear My Little Sister,
My dear dear dear little one.
How i have missed you? Longing for you. Longing for your attention. Your care and affection. For years I've been waiting for the moment you and me together finally to fit into our shoes. To feel the heartaches, to live the life.
Ever since we were little, I had issues with your existence. I was madly jealous because all the attention goes to you. And yes, you were so much better than i was. Everyone was so into you. And cant keep their eyes of you. So tell me, how would i feel? I feel abandon, neglected and sad. SO i shut you up for couple of years. So I was alone, I felt lonely. It happened for a year and it goes on when eusof was born. The attention i had, was so little. So little till it hurts.
And it goes years by years.
Till i was 13, I went to highschool. And you were in primary school. Things got worst when we both went to different schools. You went to an elite school, and i went to average school. Elite students hates average people like me. I wasnt able to catch up with you, and your style. We were different by that as well. Our attitude our behavior was so so so different.
I remembered when you yelled at me, calling me and my friends rempit. I remembered you accused me and my friends. You said we were bitches. We are low cheap groups that doesnt fit your standard. You were mean to us, you were mean to me. You called me idiot for not getting accepted in your school. CBN was always the best. I know. But things you said, you called. Were unforgettable for me. It wasnt easy to erase them from my heart. You scratched my heart. But im still hoping for you to change and I really hope you wouldnt stay that way forever.
I told myself that maybe time will heal us both, and maybe time will make you realize how much i hoped that you will change and love respect me as your sister. I really hoped for that since i was 13.
I was not letting anything go. What happened in the past. I didnt. WE didnt. You hurt me so many times, and i cant remember how hurts i was.
Time passed, we both grow. And I was in Uni while you were in highschool. SO i thought things would slightly change, for the better of us. And it didnt. It got worse. You were stubborn as hell. And you were rebellious. You changed. And we just cant clicked. You were envy of my college life. You were so mad at me for going out too often. And you called me slut because i came a little bit late. You never asked how my day was, how was my friends. You never cared. But I always cared about you, your friends. Till they came to me most of the time, to solve the problems you guys had. But you didnt like it that way. SO you accused me for stealing your friends from you. But all I did was trying to fix things for you and your friends. But I was the one got blamed for that.
Things werent going slow, But it went crazier as i started to work. And there you are, doing nothing. And accusations went up like crazy. We cant be in a team, and im sorry. Sorry for being your sister. Im sorry we are tied by blood. You shut me out now, and thats okay. I wont be coming at your door. I know youre so much better without me. And I' ll do the same. We are strangers living in the same roof.
I will always love you. Always. And i will always be here, just call my name. Im sorry.