Hello again my dear dear blog,
Havent write anything in ages. How hectic my life was. And still is. Crying wont help, torturing myself wont help either. I'm in the deepest pain ever. And I know no one will ever get this feeling ever.
A sister,
What does it feels like to have a close sister,
The one can cheer you up,
Makes you forget about the pain,
The one you will turn to when you're in pain,
The one will definitely be there for you,
A sister,
By blood, by heart.
Younger or older,
Sisters are sisters.
Dear My Little Sister,
My dear dear dear little one.
How i have missed you? Longing for you. Longing for your attention. Your care and affection. For years I've been waiting for the moment you and me together finally to fit into our shoes. To feel the heartaches, to live the life.
Ever since we were little, I had issues with your existence. I was madly jealous because all the attention goes to you. And yes, you were so much better than i was. Everyone was so into you. And cant keep their eyes of you. So tell me, how would i feel? I feel abandon, neglected and sad. SO i shut you up for couple of years. So I was alone, I felt lonely. It happened for a year and it goes on when eusof was born. The attention i had, was so little. So little till it hurts.
And it goes years by years.
Till i was 13, I went to highschool. And you were in primary school. Things got worst when we both went to different schools. You went to an elite school, and i went to average school. Elite students hates average people like me. I wasnt able to catch up with you, and your style. We were different by that as well. Our attitude our behavior was so so so different.
I remembered when you yelled at me, calling me and my friends rempit. I remembered you accused me and my friends. You said we were bitches. We are low cheap groups that doesnt fit your standard. You were mean to us, you were mean to me. You called me idiot for not getting accepted in your school. CBN was always the best. I know. But things you said, you called. Were unforgettable for me. It wasnt easy to erase them from my heart. You scratched my heart. But im still hoping for you to change and I really hope you wouldnt stay that way forever.
I told myself that maybe time will heal us both, and maybe time will make you realize how much i hoped that you will change and love respect me as your sister. I really hoped for that since i was 13.
I was not letting anything go. What happened in the past. I didnt. WE didnt. You hurt me so many times, and i cant remember how hurts i was.
Time passed, we both grow. And I was in Uni while you were in highschool. SO i thought things would slightly change, for the better of us. And it didnt. It got worse. You were stubborn as hell. And you were rebellious. You changed. And we just cant clicked. You were envy of my college life. You were so mad at me for going out too often. And you called me slut because i came a little bit late. You never asked how my day was, how was my friends. You never cared. But I always cared about you, your friends. Till they came to me most of the time, to solve the problems you guys had. But you didnt like it that way. SO you accused me for stealing your friends from you. But all I did was trying to fix things for you and your friends. But I was the one got blamed for that.
Things werent going slow, But it went crazier as i started to work. And there you are, doing nothing. And accusations went up like crazy. We cant be in a team, and im sorry. Sorry for being your sister. Im sorry we are tied by blood. You shut me out now, and thats okay. I wont be coming at your door. I know youre so much better without me. And I' ll do the same. We are strangers living in the same roof.
I will always love you. Always. And i will always be here, just call my name. Im sorry.
I have no idea..
Well well. I'm not so good in blogging or how to put my thoughts into words. But i'll try. Cause you see.. I really dont want having it in my heart, it will definitely bothers me. And I will become so emo. And will accidentally spill it to someone, probably to my roommate. AHAHA.
Anyways, my life totally changed 100% after i finished my high school. Walking into different phases of life has made me become more blur and numb. HAHAHA no im not kidding. Sometimes I do think that how can i be more dumb, i used to know things better when I was a teenager. No kidding.
When I was in Uni, it was awesome. Meeting new friends, the journey has been so adventurous to me. I went to good places, its not where i went. Literally its how i spent my time. 2 years is just not enough for me. I want to have a group that loves to explore on places and food. I wanna feel the exciting in life. Its so different when i walked into working life phase, I cant imagine me walking into marriage life. I dont want to even imagine it.
Ever since Im in this phase, I have became so boring and so so so stressful, its like you cant even joke about anything, always have been so serious and moody. You gotta cope with your bosses, colleagues and staffs. Not to forget the ultimate boring environment. I never have thought it would be this pathetic and sad. I'd say its a sad life because I have no one to spill my ideas to. No one to embrace the working hours. No one to talk how work has been. Its like when you screwed up, the others will be cheering for you. I dont ask someone to support and be there for me. But my work is not amusing as i thought it would be. This kind of job, needs to have someone who is energetic, exciting, full of inspirations and ideas. And to be that kind of person, its not easy. not anymore cause i am stuck with idiots. They just not into what they are doing. They just do it for the sake of money. Ugh.
I am currently having hard times thinking how to be the person i wanted to be, the person who really cares on what i do, what i want. The person who aim for bigger things. hmm
Anyways, my life totally changed 100% after i finished my high school. Walking into different phases of life has made me become more blur and numb. HAHAHA no im not kidding. Sometimes I do think that how can i be more dumb, i used to know things better when I was a teenager. No kidding.
When I was in Uni, it was awesome. Meeting new friends, the journey has been so adventurous to me. I went to good places, its not where i went. Literally its how i spent my time. 2 years is just not enough for me. I want to have a group that loves to explore on places and food. I wanna feel the exciting in life. Its so different when i walked into working life phase, I cant imagine me walking into marriage life. I dont want to even imagine it.
Ever since Im in this phase, I have became so boring and so so so stressful, its like you cant even joke about anything, always have been so serious and moody. You gotta cope with your bosses, colleagues and staffs. Not to forget the ultimate boring environment. I never have thought it would be this pathetic and sad. I'd say its a sad life because I have no one to spill my ideas to. No one to embrace the working hours. No one to talk how work has been. Its like when you screwed up, the others will be cheering for you. I dont ask someone to support and be there for me. But my work is not amusing as i thought it would be. This kind of job, needs to have someone who is energetic, exciting, full of inspirations and ideas. And to be that kind of person, its not easy. not anymore cause i am stuck with idiots. They just not into what they are doing. They just do it for the sake of money. Ugh.
I am currently having hard times thinking how to be the person i wanted to be, the person who really cares on what i do, what i want. The person who aim for bigger things. hmm
Last night
Last night was so nice. I had this since ive been craving it fo quite awhile. Called tok told her and right away she taught me. Luckily i bought the ingredients bfore. It wasnt that hard as i expected it would be.
Im starting to realize..
Well, every since someone brought this topic up. I feel like its kinda true. About how syed and sharifah are. Dont get me wrong. Its just that doesnt mean im sharifah i have to marry a syed. It is good if my "jodoh" is syed, but i dont wanna known as someone who really wants someone by the name of 'syed'.
I dont care about not having syed as my husband. Its just not me. I would rather focus on his character, his personalities. His heart. I want someone who can accept non-sharifah members (if he's a syed) I mean be a lil open-minded. Some syeds and sharifahs really strict with it. I DONT WANT THAT
I dont care about not having syed as my husband. Its just not me. I would rather focus on his character, his personalities. His heart. I want someone who can accept non-sharifah members (if he's a syed) I mean be a lil open-minded. Some syeds and sharifahs really strict with it. I DONT WANT THAT
Feeling down
So much things happened lately. It makes me more pressured and stressed out. I just feel that I couldnt take it. Why must everything seems so pressuring?
Well, my classmates are really good. I tell ya, damn good. I mean theyre doing excellent in their studies and practical. And sometimes it makes me feel so lame and stupid. Geez girl, very challenging I tell ya. You'll realize that you have downgraded yourself. High class people. But somehow, I aint gonna give up. Well you see. I made myself cleared that I wont be following their high class fashion style or what ever.
Well, my classmates are really good. I tell ya, damn good. I mean theyre doing excellent in their studies and practical. And sometimes it makes me feel so lame and stupid. Geez girl, very challenging I tell ya. You'll realize that you have downgraded yourself. High class people. But somehow, I aint gonna give up. Well you see. I made myself cleared that I wont be following their high class fashion style or what ever.
Mmm.
So i made this. Cause i was craving for it. And im lazy to buy or order. And it turns out very well. All you need is honey, sweetened milk and butter. And bake them for 10 minutes, 140c ;)
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